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This track is ridiculous
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Sometimes it feels like my life is in genres and changes through the seasons and years. Just like always there are highs and lows to it but its only gets better overall. Lately it seems like there isn’t a low. Life just gets better than I could have ever imagined it getting and I know it’s not even the peak.
Insanity is one of the most unfair things I can think of. You only get one perception of our world and it’s altered before society even got their hands on it.
euphoria in travels. slide by get high. the world unravels. half the time your tasseled.you shut your blinds despite of the sun. you give up before your life has even begun.
Source: SoundCloud / walkie talkie
Is life just a search for happiness, is it just a race or is it a test to see how much you can pull through. On a scientific level happiness just a balanced levels Serotonin and rushes of dopamine. So if everything we do is just a search of a method to allow ourselves to feel a chemical in our brain doesn’t that make us all junkies? What could one even do knowing this information, it’s not like there is an alternative.
Neon Indian-Deadbeat Summer
Source: SoundCloud / Neon Indian
I feel lonely…
Not lonely like I don’t have family and friends/people who care about me. But more so lonely after a come out of denial and realize most the people around me only know me from from my mask. From this mask everything I do is calculated and correct.
To cope with this burden I escape and isolate into the things Iove like music. In the music I listen to and the people involved with it’s scene, I begin to see a culture. Everything about it interested me. I realized that this culture was meant for me! I didn’t know how to put it into words when describing who I what I was and wanted to be for the longest time until I heard people saying things like “those fucking hipsters!” They were referring to these people as hipsters so negatively but at the same time I thought they were so cool. After hearing the term several times I decided to search for the definition of a hipster and was in amazed when I was the verbatim definition of one. Im not saying I want to be a hipster because I believe the term hipster is not a self defined thing and one calling themselves is a contradiction to what a hipster is. I just fit the definition unintentionally. What I do know what I am in this moment! is an independent thinker, philosophical but not a philosopher(as of now), libertarian, singulatarian who loves indie music, abstract art, and craves a nightlife.
After spending so much of my energy trying to get societies and the people around me approval I am miserable and exhausted and resentful towards my life. I have come to the conclusion in the past several weeks that if not being myself makes me miserable then whats the point to my life? I decided something, I’m just not going to give a fuck anymore!
Not the “I don’t give a fuck” like Im going to stop caring about life and possibly commit suicide or I just become a a druggie mentality but the I dont give a fuck any more whether people give me approval for being myself because what is the point!
I have decided I will live religiously by this idea of not giving a fuck and see where it takes me. My hope is when being myself I will experience life with out any expectations makeing everything feel new and magical like a kid does which for me was the happiest time I can remember. Along with that when I live like my heart drives me to I will do the things that make me truly happy. I will invest my time and energy into my creative interests and see where they take me in life, and I can work towards living in a place where the culture I crave exists. It’s the hope that drives me for this or I don’t know what would guide me.
Her name is Clementine.